With all the rain showers I can’t help but feel God’s grace pouring out over me. Maybe it’s because storms are my favorite weather or maybe because it’s a cleansing environment allotting depth in thought. (On dry days we can gather and fellowship with friends)
Either way, I’m energized and blessed by the time to slow down and examine our family life. We have a TWO new babies on the way (number 4 and 5!!! TWINS) so many aspects of our family life are slowing down as I get through the first part of pregnancy. And that’s OK! Really, busyness is not equal to success contrary to the push in our culture for more, more, MORE!
(oh and did I mention my middle broke her collarbone?! So we are on couch time for a many good reasons)
I admit I struggle with guilt when I don’t function at my normal level. I hate myself when we watch movies for weeks on end instead of read/project/play because I can’t stand up without feeling queasy. The momma guilt is strong during this season. I desire to do all of these beautiful things with my family but just cant for a while. The guilt I have reveals my heart. But with each pregnancy the Lord is teaching me more and more about how to lean on him, that my worth is in Him not my performance, and that a fulfilling family life is slow and meaningful. I “know” these things in my head but each passing year I am learning them at the heart level.(The children are engaging mostly in independent play. And that’s O.K.)
It’s hard to admit to myself and others that I’m not awesome and that any good thing I do is because of His work in me. But admitting this and living this is the freedom of the gospel.
SO! All that being said this month I am focusing on my own relationship with the Lord. I am asking my children for forgiveness often as they see me at the weakest and crankiest time of life. We are watching movies as I try to work through morning sickness and guilt.We are getting outside some to hop around in puddles and pet animals with friends. We aren’t doing much “school”. But that’s the beauty of homeschool. Ebbing and flowing with the needs of the unit as it grows and changes. Nothing formal about it.
May we do all things to connect with and learn from each other ✨